- Tips For Pastors and Lay Leaders
A regular and consistent program of visitation to members and others in the hospital, or who are residents of a skilled nursing facility or “retirement home”, is an important part of a pastoral or “congregation care” ministry.
Here are 26 key tips to keep in mind while planning and conducting hospital and other such visits (this makes a good informational handout for members of your visitation team):
A. Phone ahead to determine a good time for your visit. Phoning a day in advance is a good idea especially for folks who live in their own homes. You might call the nursing home to see if the resident you are visiting has something already scheduled for the time you have in mind for visiting. You might ask the nurses’ station to check with the resident to see if he or she is up for a visit or at least let the resident know you will be stopping by at that time.
B. Prepare for your visit. Be aware of yourself and all the “baggage” you may be bringing to that visit. Leave it at the door. Pray that you will be a caring presence, fully attentive to the person you will be visiting. Pray for the person you will be visiting and that the Spirit will bless and guide your visit.
C. Identify yourself at the door, or the receptionist desk of a residential care facility or the hospital. Wear your name tag. At the door of a room in the hospital or care facility, after introducing yourself, ask for permission to come in, “I am Sam Jones, a deacon visitor from First Presbyterian Church. May I come in and visit for a few minutes?”
D. Know their name. If this is a new contact, find out what they would like you to call them. If it is an unusual or unfamiliar name, find out how to pronounce their name correctly.
E. Respect the space, property and wishes of the one you are visiting. Everyone has a safety zone. Do not sit too close for comfort (nor too far away to communicate warmth.) Do not rearrange things on the table. Ask before offering a hug or holding a hand for prayer. Touch can be a powerful gift if you have permission to extend it.
F. Sit at eye level when possible rather than standing looking over them. It is not a good idea to sit on a hospital bed, however. Find another chair. Eye contact communicates interest and care.
G. Take along something from the church, if you can - the most recent church bulletin, These Days devotional, or something appropriate from a recent church event. (How about a few flowers from the Sunday worship arrangement — after worship ?) If the person has impaired vision, you might offer to read parts of the bulletin or the devotion for the day.
H. Remember that as a church visitor you are bringing the church to those who more often than not cannot bring themselves to the church. You are not there to fix their situation but to be a caring presence.
I. Speak in lower tones, more slowly, and face to face with those who have a hearing impairment. Watch for signs that you are being heard or not heard, but don’t assume all elderly have a hearing problem!
J. Be an active listener. Listening is perhaps the most important things we do in visiting. (Communication is a topic for a whole book)
K. Watch your body language. Sit in a relaxed manner perhaps leaning forward slightly to indicate interest. You might keep your hands before you in an open way communicating your openness to the person.
L. Watch the body language of the one you are visiting. Are they showing signs of fatigue. Sometimes a deep sigh is a good signal that it is time to leave. Are they looking at the clock? Appearing uncomfortable?
M. Be sensitive about the kind of stories you tell. A person with cancer or with a loved one dying from cancer, does not need to hear everybody else’s stories or remedies.
N. Ask open ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with one word. “Tell me what it was like growing up in the 20s and 30s”
O. Ask clarifying questions rather than giving advice. “What would you miss most about leaving this community?” or “What would be the advantages of moving to Appleton?”
P. Listen for ways you can be helpful. “I wish I could send a note to my niece, I just can’t see to write anymore.” You might offer to write the note if they wish to dictate one. Asking “What can I do for you?” rather than “Let me know if you need anything.” is more likely to bring a meaningful need response.
Q. Listen for ways the deacons can be of service with transportation, respite, a temporary arrangement of meals, a small home project, financial assistance, etc. Ask permission however before talking with a deacon ministry chair (or anyone else) about meeting that need.
R. Listen for ways the parish nurse can be of service. (Concerns about medical issues or insurance, for example.) Ask if they might like a visit from the parish nurse who might be able to help them with that particular concern. Ask permission to talk to her.
S. Listen for a special need for a pastor’s visit. Let the pastor know that a visit would be timely.
T. Don’t be afraid of silence. Sometimes the most meaningful things come out when we stop trying to make conversation
U. Generally, keep your visit shorter rather than longer. It is better to visit more often and regularly. Take your cues from the person you are visiting. “Thank you for coming” is a good hint that it is a good time to end the visit. Watch for signs of fatigue. With illness we often tire easily.
V. Clarify expectations for visits and good times for visits. Would they like you to come again? How often would they like you to visit? What is reasonable for you? Don’t promise more than you can deliver. Listen for patterns. “I feel the best by 1 PM when my meds kick in.”
W. Use phrases like “I have been looking forward to seeing you again!” to let the person know that you enjoy being with them.
X. Pray and read scripture as you are comfortable. If praying with someone comes naturally for you, always ask permission first. “Would you be comfortable if I led us in prayer now?” or, “Is it all right if I share with you a passage of scripture that has meant a lot to me?” If they agree you might ask, “Is there any thing in particular for which you would like me to pray?” You may choose to leave with a blessing: “Peace be with you.”
Y. Pay attention to the needs of the caregiver. They may need a respite, some help or encouragement.
Z. Keep information shared with you confidential unless you have their permission to share with someone else who can be helpful, unless that person makes suicidal statements or speaks of abuse, exploitation or shows signs of neglect.
For more church growth and ministry tips, go to http://Double-Your-Church-Attendance.com
A printable PDF of the complete text of this article is available to members and subscribers in the Private Members Download Area.
